i just want him
by hannahsviolets
Summary: based on the doctor who episode "amy's choice" / leela realizes her true feelings for fry in a life or death situation. set mid season 4.


"Um . . . can you explain that again, Professor?" asked Fry, tentatively.

"Fry, you dimwitted nit!" expressed the Professor, crossing his arms over his chest. "In idiot speak – we're all going to freeze to death unless we can figure out what's a dream and what's real life!"

The temperature on the Planet Express ship had been dropping lower and lower by the minute as they were slowly pulled into a vortex. A vortex, that the Professor had previously explained, that was so cold no life would ever survive inside of it. If they had to explain the situation to anyone else, they wouldn't be able to. The short of it was that Leela had pissed off some alien at a truck stop, he'd highjacked the ship and decided to play some sick twisted game with them in revenge. Before vanishing, he'd promised that as soon as they chose reality from dreamworld, they'd regain control of the ship and the power would turn back on. But with one catch – the only way to get out of a dream is to die. So choose wrong, and you die.

"So, what you're telling me is that _this_ could be a dream?" said Bender, lighting a cigar. The crew huddled towards the tiny lighter for warmth but Bender quickly shoved it back inside of him.

"Unfortunately,"

"Sweet mummy of Mongolia!" Hermes threw his hands on either side of his head. "So it's either we kill ourselves or we die anyway?"

"Isn't that life as is?" Amy rolled her eyes, flopping down on a chair and kicking her feet up.

"Yeah and I'm not gonna die, so . . ." Bender took Amy's lead and did the same. "Sucks to be mortal,"

"Thanks a lot, Leela," the Professor scoffed.

"Me?! What did I do?!"

Zoidberg took the opportunity to rejoice in something not being his fault. "You are the one who had to start a fight with that alien! What? With the 'Don't look at my ship that way' and the 'Hi-yah' and the –"

"Hey!" Fry stepped between the two of them. "It's not Leela's fault!"  
"Really? Then who's fault is?" Amy asked it like it was a genuine question, but Leela took it as sarcasm and glared at her.

Leela stepped back in front of Fry. "Look, it doesn't matter who's fault it is –"

"Yours," Bender fake coughed.

"All that matters is figuring out whether or not this is a dream. Now, does anyone know how we do that?"

Everyone immediately turned to the Professor, who had dozed off. Hermes tapped him on the arm. "Ah whaaaaat? Oh! Well, we could try falling asleep. Maybe then we'll fall into another dream and that dream will be easier to dictate than this one,"

"I understood none of that, but I'm in," Fry pulled his jacket tighter around him, shivering from the cold.

"Whatever. The faster we get out of this, the better," Leela turned to walk over to the side of the room so she could lie down on the floor.

"I'll get some blankets," Hermes offered, leaving to go to the supply closet.

"I'm not sleeping," Bender leaned back in his chair and the Professor took the cigar out of his mouth and squashed it into the ground.

"You'll sleep and you'll dream and you'll like it!"

Hermes brought back three blankets, explaining that that was all they had (although everyone knew he'd taken two more just for himself) and split them up amongst the group. They all agreed to let Zoidberg have his own as no one wanted to share with him. The Professor and Amy took one and went to lay down beneath a counter. Leela sighed, knowing this meant that she was going to have to share with Fry.

It wasn't like she didn't like him. He was her friend – her best friend, probably – but he liked her. A lot. And the last thing she wanted to do was make things more uncomfortable between them. Fry took off his jacket and put it around her shoulders without her asking. "I thought you might be cold,"

To anyone else, she would've responded with "Obviously, I'm fucking freezing to death" but to Fry, she simply smiled and said "Thank you."

He sat down beside her and stuffed his arms inside of his t-shirt. Leela placed the blanket over the both of them – herself lying down, curled up into a ball. Fry didn't seem to be changing position. "I could sleep standing up if I wanted to," he explained.

She nodded and looked around the room. The Professor had fallen asleep straight away and Amy's loud snoring made it obvious that she had as well. Hermes, in his warm huddle, had his eyes closed and Zoidberg was blowing whatever weird gas that came out of him when he slept into the air. Even Bender looked like he had powered down. Leela wasn't like any of them – she couldn't fall asleep on command. She needed time to relax herself and without Nibbler beside her and the cozy comfort of her bed beneath her, that was near impossible.

Relaxation was about the farthest thing from her mind.

She tried to focus on nice things, happy things. Her parents. Nibbler. The gym. Cute animals. Hypnotoad. Sunsets. The feeling she felt behind the wheel of the ship. The feeling she felt when she looked around at the crew and felt the love of family. The feeling she felt in her stomach when Fry smiled at her . . .

* * *

The Planet Express crew was gathered around a small kitchen. The sun was shining in through the window and reflecting beautifully off the golden paint. Pots and pans hang around the room and the smell of cookies baking is coming from the oven. It's the perfect little kitchen, the kind that every rich housewife probably dreamed of.

Hermes is dressed in a Chef's uniform. Zoidberg sits on top of a tricycle with a lollipop in his hand. Bender is now a toaster. The Professor sits in a wheelchair, dressed in pajamas. Amy wears an apron and her hair is slicked back into a bun. Fry's hair is slicked back as well and he's wearing a suit. Leela is in a yellow housedress with bunny slippers covering her feet.

"This. This is the dream," Bender exclaims.

"No, it isn't," says the Professor right away, shaking his head in disappointment.

"How do you know?"

"I can read the writing over the sink. You can't read in a dream,"

All of them groaned in unison.

"Then how do we get back to the other place? The dream?" asked Hermes.

"I . . . have no idea," the Professor leaned back in his chair and stared up at the ceiling, as if to say he'd given up.

Zoidberg tried sticking a piece of bread into Bender, who quickly threatened him until Zoidberg reminded him that he had no power now. Amy pulled the cookies out of the oven and began shoving them down her throat ("Well, if I'm gonna die, it doesn't matter if I get fat,").

"I'm sorry this is happening, Leela," said Fry, putting his hand on her shoulder.

She shrugged. "It's fine. The Professor and Zoidberg were right. It's my fault we're in this mess,"

Fry looked like he wanted to argue with her, but he didn't say anything. Leela was thankful for this and it was times like these that she truly appreciated Fry. He always knew either exactly what to say or exactly what not to say, things that she herself failed miserably at.

"What's that?" Amy gasped, dropping a cookie onto the ground.

"What's what?" said Hermes, downing a bottle of hot sauce.

" _THAT!_ " Amy pointed outside the kitchen window and the crew gathered around to see what it was she was looking at. There, in the middle of a grassy valley, stood a single figure. It looked like a man and it was limping toward them slowly.

"Bender, binoculars!" demanded Fry and out of the side of toaster!Bender came Bender's eyes. Fry put them against his own eyes and gasped. "It's a ZOMBIE!"

Everyone laughed.

"Zombies aren't real, you naïve boy," Hermes held his stomach as he continued chuckling.

"Is that a twentieth century thing? Did you guys have zombies?" Amy teased, fake screaming in fear and pretending to hide behind Leela which just made everyone laugh more.

"No! I'm telling you! It's a zombie! Or maybe it's a guy dressed as a zombie, but . . . still! A zombie! Look for yourself!" Fry handed off the binoculars to the Professor, who gave him a look. He took the hint and helped the new handicapped man stand, along with Zoidberg and Hermes.

The Professor looked into Bender's eyes and gasped the same way Fry had. "Good lord! It _is_ a zombie!"

This time, everyone screamed, believing it.

"But – but Professor!" cried Leela. "That's not possible!"

"I'm afraid it is possible, Leela and he's brought friends!"

The group gathered back around the window to see seven other figures joining the zombie walking toward the house. Leela thought it was strange that they had seemingly appeared out of nowhere, but put the thought into the back of her mind quickly. Everyone was freaking out now – Amy jumped onto Hermes' shoulders, Zoidberg was hiding under the table, Fry was cowering behind toaster!Bender. "Just relax! It's not like they can get to us in here!"

Amy, still breathing heavily, let go of Hermes' head. "Hey, yeah," she said, softly, hopping down onto the floor. She moved to open up the kitchen window and yelled out, "You hear that?! You can't get us!"

But just as she said that, the head of a zombie popped out at her and snarled. "HOLY SCHMUCK!" Amy cried, slamming the window back shut.

Just as she did that, the sound of a gunshot fired off and the glass broke. All of them screamed and hit the floor, covering their heads.

"Is anyone hurt?" asked Hermes.

Leela looked around at the group. "No . . . I think everyone's okay,"

"What did it hit then?"

"The wall," the Professor pointed to the golden paint that was now cracked.

"Why are they shooting at us?! They're zombies! They can just eat us!" Fry called out.

"Ask Leela! It's her alien friend that came up with the damn rules!" the Professor hissed.

Another gunshot rang in, breaking more glass. This time it hit the stove and bounced onto the floor. Amy began crying very hard and reached for Leela's hand. She squeezed it tight and looked back at the Professor, choosing to ignore his comment. "There has to be some way out of this!"

"This is real life! There is no way out!" he insisted.

"I didn't tell Dwight I loved him this morning," Hermes shook his head, rubbing his knees. "What if he doesn't know? What if he forgets?"

Leela closed her eye, a tear drop hitting her nose. "I was supposed to have dinner with my parents tonight,"

"I can't trust Cubert to run the company now," said the Professor, distressed.

"My family died a thousand years ago. There's no one that'll miss me," Fry said, simply.

"Would you let that go?!" Bender groaned.

Fry sat up. He had that special determined look he got on his face when he had a rare idea. "No one will miss me," he repeated just above a whisper. "I'll go out there and I'll talk to them!"

"Are you crazy?! They'll kill you!" said Amy as two more gunshots rang in.

"This isn't a dream, Fry! You won't wake up! You'll just be dead," the Professor explained.

Fry's eyes flickered to Leela and then back at the crew. "To save you, it'll be worth it,"

As he stood up, Leela felt her voice catch in her throat. "Fry, please don't. Please, just –"

But before she could say anything more, another gun fired off and Fry was hit square in the chest. He cried out in agony and fell back to the ground. Leela was the only one who moved – everyone else was either too scared or didn't care (she could only assume the ladder).

She jumped to kneel next to Fry. "No . . . Fry . . . this –"

The space just above his heart was bleeding profusely and his face was sickly pale. He reached out for her hand and she took it. "You're so beautiful," he whispered.

"This isn't . . . this isn't the end. You're going to be okay," said Leela, more to herself than to him.

Fry said nothing. He just stared up at her with every single ounce of love he had for her etched upon his face. He knew what was happening. He knew he shouldn't have been surprised that he couldn't be the big hero who would save everyone. He was to die here, in a strange house, after being shot by gun toting zombies. All Fry could hope for was for the last thing he saw to be Leela, looking down at him with tears in her eye and a worried expression.

And then he was gone.

Leela couldn't explain how she knew, but she did and within moments, Fry's body disintegrated in front of her. The initial shock wore off once she felt Amy's hand on her back. She looked over at her friend and then back to the spot where Fry's remains – a pile of dust – laid.

More gunshots rang in but Leela couldn't be bothered to care.

"So . . . Fry is really dead?" asked Zoidberg breaking the silence.

"I'm afraid so," the Professor responded. "And I'm going to die being the oldest person in my family!"

"Who's gonna make me waffles in the morning?" Bender whined.

"Bender, stop bragging! We get it, you're going to survive this!" Hermes slapped toaster!Bender lightly.

"You're all so selfish!" said Amy, crying just a little. "Fry is dead and all you can think about is yourselves,"

And it was those words that made Leela finally start speaking. "Fry is dead" was not going to be a reality that she lived in. Turanga Leela chose her own destiny and this was not it.

"This is the dream," she said loudly so that they'd hear her amongst their bickering. A bullet broke a plate.

"How do you know?" asked Amy.

Leela wasn't thinking before she spoke, she couldn't. There was no point in it now. "This can't be real life. Believe me, it can't be. I – I don't want it to be,"

The Professor raised his head. "You can't be sure!"

"Yes I can," Leela stood up and everyone gasped, expecting her to be killed instantly. She was quicker than Fry and missed the shot that nearly hit her. "We're going to have to kill ourselves. Suicide mission and all that,"

No one responded, looking unsure. "Look, we're going to die either way! Maybe if we kill ourselves – we'll just wake up! That bullet made Fry disappear! That can't happen to the rest of us,"

"That makes literally no sense," said Zoidberg.

"Which is why this is a dream," Leela began gathering candles from a random drawer and put them out all over the counter. She didn't know what her exact plan was, but she felt in her gut that whatever she came up with was going to work. It had to.

She missed another bullet.

"Leela," said the Professor from the ground. "We have no idea if this will work. Maybe the game is that we're supposed to get shot or wait for them to get us. How do you know this isn't real life?"

Leela blinked away a tear and shrugged. "Because it can't be. Fry isn't here,"

Maybe that's what she was saying to the crew, but in her heart, Leela wasn't sure where they were. All she was sure of was that a world without Fry wasn't a world she wanted to exist in. And if she did die here and she didn't just wake up . . . at least she would get to see him again.

As soon as the candles were all lit up, she found a big pile of printer paper and dropped them on top of the fire. Hermes and Zoidberg screamed, getting hit with hot wax as she didn't warn them of what she was doing. "You're sure this will work, Leela?" Amy asked, following Leela as she went to go and pull out a tub of gasoline from underneath the sink.

"No," she said, honestly. "But . . . Fry is dead . . . I – I just . . . I just want him. I didn't know until right now, honestly I didn't,"

Amy looked at her with sympathy and nodded in understandment.

Leela picked up the heavy tub without an issue. "Ready to die?" she asked her crew.

"I'm not dying," Bender reminded them. They all ignored him.

"I guess," said Amy.

"I'd rather die by my own hand then get shot by a zombie," Hermes explained.

"I have no friends or family or social life," said Zoidberg.

"What the hell," the Professor threw up both of his hands with a smile on her face.

Leela was going to end it anyway, but she figured it polite to at least ask. Without a second thought, she dumped the smallest bit of gasoline onto the fire and then . . .

* * *

Leela opened her eyes. The overwhelming cold took her my surprise and the shock took a full moment to wear off.

No longer was she where she was just a second ago, instead, she was on the floor of the Planet Express ship, covered in snow. _Did it work?_ She mentally crossed her fingers and looked above her to see that the lights had come back on and the Professor was now at the wheel of the ship, turning it around as Amy and Hermes cheered.

"You did it, Leela!" he shouted in excitement. "I wouldn't have expected a woman to know the right answer but I suppose I've been wrong before,"

She smiled softly at him. The Professor's sexist comments were always irritating, but they were unsurprising and she knew that what he'd said was in all reality, a compliment. But still, she didn't feel proud of herself. There was a pain in her chest that quickly reminded her that she had just witnessed Fry dying right in front of her. She turned her head and saw him still sitting there, his face so badly frozen there were icicles hanging off of his nose.

"L-l-leela . . . I-I don't k-know wh-what happened but y-you d-d-d-id it,"

Leela sat up, kneeling just as she did in the dream world. This time though, Fry was fine. He was going to be fine. Silently and slowly, she picked up the blanket that was covered in snow and pulled it around his shoulders. She moved him to the same position she was in, and then brought his head to her shoulder, wrapping her arms around him and hugging him closely.

"Oh," he said. "D-did I d-do something?"

She didn't respond. Instead, she basked in the smell of slurm and his cheap deodorant – the smell of Fry. She'd watched him die right in her lap and now here he was, his heart beat quickening and his hands tightening around her waist. He was here and he was safe and for the life of her, she couldn't think of anything else that mattered more.

"Fry and Leela sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" sang Bender loudly and obnoxiously.

Fry pulled away from Leela's grasp to say "Shut up, Bender!" but was surprised when she pulled him back to her immediately.

If anyone asked her about this later, she'd say she was just trying to use body heat to unfreeze him. But after the way she'd acted in dream world, Leela knew that they'd all see right through her. They would all know what she herself had only figured out minutes ago – she was in love with Fry and couldn't live without him.

Just the thought was embarrassing and made her feel like less of an independent woman and more like a 20th century housewife. It made her feel pathetic and stupid but at the same time, comforting, knowing that she'd finally found someone she felt this way about. She never would've set a house on fire for Sean or any of those other guys.

* * *

Once they'd arrived at Planet Express, things had calmed down a little bit. They'd lit a fire and gathered around it, covered in blankets and drinking tea (hot cocoa for Fry) while they listened to Bender tell stories about his numerous arrests.

The Professor had decided to be uncharacteristically nice in giving them the rest of the day off and they'd stayed until dinner time, when it became time for everyone to split up. Labarbara and Dwight came to pick up Hermes, who kissed them both and expressed love for them which made Leela feel strangely lonely. Zoidberg scuttled off in search of food, the Professor headed up to bed, Bender left with a hooker and Amy left to go have dinner with some guy she'd met at a bar.

Leela knew she should be leaving soon to meet up with her own parents, but she couldn't bring herself to leave Fry just yet. He was still cuddled up in a blanket, staring off into nothingness like did sometimes.

Tentatively, she forced herself to sit next to him on the couch. He smiled when he saw her, but didn't say anything, probably not wanting to screw up the moment. Leela thought that he looked kind of . . . nice next to the light of fire.

"So, uh, crazy day, huh?" she said awkwardly.

He nodded. "You could say that,"

Leela played with her hands, hiding her face from him. "Yeah, I'm uh – I'm sorry about that,"

"It's not your fault. You get us out of every single bad thing that happens to us. You're allowed to screw up every now and then," he quickly backtracked. "Not that you screwed up! God, I'm sorry –"

"Fry," she put her hand on top of his knee and rubbed a circle with her thumb. "Don't be sorry,"

"Speaking of – how did you save us back there? I can't remember,"

Leela's face turned bright red. She didn't want to admit the truth to Fry, but at the same time . . . it couldn't hurt. Fry was always doing romantic things for her and while death was just about the farthest thing from romance, she still thought that he deserved to know that someone cared about him.

"Um . . . you can't remember because you uh, you died in that dream. Like . . ." she took a deep breath. "Before the rest of us. One of the zombies shot you,"

Fry wrinkled his nose, confused. "So . . . then what? Like, did you get shot too?"

Leela took another breath. "We uh, we didn't get shot. I set the house on fire,"

"So how did you know it was a dream? How'd you know you wouldn't just die?"

"I didn't,"

It took Fry a minute to figure out what she'd meant by that, but once the realization creeped up on him, his face broke out into the softest, most genuine smile Leela had ever seen. It filled her with hope and optimism that she'd never felt before. It made her feel special.

And it was that feeling alone that made _Fry_ so special to her. No one else had ever given her butterflies, no one else had ever made her feel so relaxed, no one else had ever made her feel loved. Philip J Fry, the boy from the Stupid Ages, was the man that she loved. Immaturity or lack of responsibility aside, Fry protected her. He loved her. He respected her. And at the end of the day, she couldn't ask for anything else.

* * *

 **Author's Note: I realized all the parallels between the Ponds and Freela and knocked this out in a few hours. Don't be too cruel in your reviews!**


End file.
